The months of October and November were full of ups and downs for us. On October 21, Todd and I were excited to find out that we were expecting another baby. We had planned this pregnancy perfect. I was due July 1st. Todd would be out of school and it was during the summer which means not during high school football season. We knew we had to get pregnant by a certain time or we would take a chance of having a football season baby. We were thrilled when things went according to plan.
Then three days later my precious Grandmother Miller passed away. We were heartbroken. She lived an amazing 90 years and she passed peacefully in her sleep. Just the way she would have wanted to go be with the Lord. It is still never easy to loose someone that means so much to you and you love dearly.
Fast forward to the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I was eight weeks and four days pregnant. We were so excited for our first check-up. We went in for our ultrasound and were amazed to see our precious little baby on the monitor. I remember thinking something just didn't seem right but I just played it off to me being paranoid....as usual. Then the ultrasound tech tells us that she isn't seeing a heartbeat. My heart literally fell into my stomach. I asked her if she should see one at this point and she proceeded to explain that from the looks of things it had just happened. The baby measured 8 weeks and 4 days. Exactly where it should have. She said that we may not be able to hear the heartbeat but at this point we should be able to see it.
We were devastated. I don't know that my heart has ever hurt so much.
I had just dealt with the loss of Grandmother but this loss was much different. GiGi(what her great-grandchildren called her!) lead a long, amazing life and our little baby never had a chance. We spent a long time with our doctor discussing our options and he continued to reassure us that it was not our fault, nothing we did caused this to happen and so on. At the time I couldn't see it that way. I went over the last few days in my head trying to figure out what I had done wrong.
We went on to Arkansas to celebrate Thanksgiving with my dads family. It was nice to get away and try not to think about things. We enjoyed our time together. It was also nice to be reminded what all we have to be thankful for. We tried really hard to focus on these things. We spent lots of time praying and thanking God for the many blessings in our lives. We continue to realize that God does have a plan for us and His timing is perfect. We have been overwhelmed with the thoughts and prayers on our behalf. We have an amazing new church family that has showered us with prayers, love and hugs. We are so thankful for these wonderful people that God has placed in our lives. We realize we are blessed with amazing family and friends that love us.
We also have this precious little guy.....